Facing Challenges Being a Caregiver to My Wife (a shared story)

I haven't done this before, but I had a viewer ask me to share his story of assisting his wife with her cancer treatments.  If anyone else would like to do this, feel free to contact me.


Facing Challenges Being a Caregiver to My Wife

November 21, 2005, my daughter Lily was three months old. My wife Heather and
I were enjoying our new small family and we were eagerly making preparations
for the holidays. With anticipation of Lily’s first Christmas season inside of us, we
were definitely caught off guard when Heather’s doctor informed us that she had
malignant pleural mesothelioma. As we listened to the doctor explain the facts
around this disease, Heather and I became increasingly frightened. All at once,
our wonderful holiday plans had gone out the window and we now found ourselves
preparing for a battle to save Heather’s life.

During what we had imagined would be the happiest time of our lives, we suddenly
were facing a potentially-fatal disease. As soon as we heard the news, my mind was
swimming with concern and fear. I looked at my wife’s face and I could only imagine
what she was going through. I listened somewhat in a panic as the doctor described
our options to get Heather treatment as soon as possible. After hearing the options
for treatment, we decided on taking Heather to Boston to see Dr. Sugarbaker. This
doctor had a reputation for treating people diagnosed with mesothelioma and we
wanted Heather to have the best chance possible to recover.

Upon leaving the doctor’s office, it hit me that I would be Heather’s caregiver. There
was no other option and I wanted do it myself to make sure she had everything
she needed. Becoming someone’s caregiver requires an enormous amount of
dedication, inner strength and willingness to accept help from other people. We had
a serious fight ahead of us to get my wife better, and I was committed to helping my
wife in any way that I could.

Life all of a sudden became extremely hectic and chaotic. It was more than a
challenge to try to work, pay the bills, take care of my daughter and also make
sure that Heather got to every doctor’s appointment scheduled. In addition to
these things, I also had chores around the home to do and was constantly making
appointments for Heather and arranging for travel to and from Boston. I quickly
became overwhelmed.

Whenever I look back on what we went through, it seems like a miracle that we
made it through those difficult times. I know that we never would have stood much
of a chance if it were not for the incredible amount of support we received from our
friends and family. My strongest advice to any other caregiver is to accept every
offer of help you receive, and don’t be too proud to ask for it. This job will require
every ounce of your strength, and even the tiniest offer of help can be a huge weight
off your shoulders.

Being a caregiver poses obstacles and new challenges that are hard to meet. While
these things are difficult to meet, they can be faced and dealt with successfully if you
do not give up and if you remain determined. Allow yourself to have bad days, but
never give up hope for a better tomorrow.

I was so reminded of how precious life is and how easily circumstances can change
in the blink of an eye. Heather underwent months of difficult treatments, and against
all odds she was able to beat this disease.

Seven years after getting news of her mesothelioma diagnosis, my wife is
completely cancer-free and our lives have radically changed for the better. If
someone had asked me back then where we would be years later, I would not have
believed we would have been through so much, and accomplished all that we have
accomplished as a family.

I share my story to encourage someone who is in a similar situation to keep their
eyes on the future and to take one step at a time. Never give up hope, and never
stop fighting for the people you love.

Cameron Von St. James
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance
http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/