About a week after I left the hospital, I had to go in and get the staples removed. I couldn't believe how much easier it was to sleep after that was done! The doctors also discussed the treatment options to ensure that all the cancer cells were killed. It was decided that I would start chemotherapy in about three weeks which would allow my body enough time to heal before bombarding it with the chemicals that would hopefully leave me cancer free for the rest of my life.
When I went to the clinic for the checkup, I was using the walker still because it was still difficult for me to walk upright without it. This was embarrassing for me since I was only 43 at the time and I thought only old people had to use those contraptions, but I guess it was better than depending on a wheelchair. Some of the other thoughts that were going through my head at this time included: "Why me?", "It can't happen to me because I'm too young!", "What did I do wrong?" and similar thoughts.
I got my hair cut short a few days before my first chemotherapy session thinking that I didn't want my long hair falling out all over the place. It was cut short, but not shaved. I don't think I could get myself to shave my head even though I knew eventually I would be bald anyway. I had several people trying to talk me into buying a wig and others telling me I didn't want to do that. In the end, I decided to go with hats and scarves because it was less...pretentious. I think if I was teaching or something I would have thought differently, but my doctor wouldn't even let me work while I was in treatment.
On the day of my first treatment, one of my coworkers took the day off work (I think he was off for the whole week, actually) and he and his wife drove me to the hospital and spent the whole day with me. They made sure that I had everything I needed for the whole day! The whole thing took over 5 hours and on the way home, they were worried that I would be sick because the last person they had know who had gone through chemo was sick all the time. Fortunately, there were some very good anti-nausea medications by this time. This was some time in October.
I had to go in every week to get blood drawn so they could make sure that my counts were not too low. I know one of the treatments was scheduled to fall the week of Thanksgiving and they let me wait a week on that one so that I would be able to enjoy the holiday. Unfortunately, they didn't let me do the same thing the week of Christmas. It was about this time that I finally started losing my hair (after the third treatment).
My life was a pretty dull routine during this period. On the days that I went for my blood draws, I drove myself around. After I left the lab, I would go to visit my two employers so they would know I hadn't forgotten about them. First I would go to the grocery store (my part time job) and then I would go to my full time job. On these visits, I always wore a mask because my sister-in-law was worried about me catching a cold from someone I encountered. Once I left there, I went to the Red Cross where I was a volunteer with disaster services. I would spend time there helping catch up some of the paperwork that was backlogged. I was never able to do that when I was working 60 hours a week so I loved the fact that I could go there a couple of hours a day sometimes.
I remember the day that I was at the doctor and they said my hair was coming back. This was a couple of weeks after the last chemo session. I thought it was the last remnants of my old hair because I was never totally bald. I couldn't believe how soft it was--like a new born baby. If you shave your head and it grows back it feels stubbly; but if your hair falls out from chemotherapy, it comes in soft. It was a great feeling! By the time it started warming up, I had enough hair that I didn't feel a need to continue to wear a head cover of any kind. I did look like a boy/man because my hair was so short, but that was ok! It just meant that I didn't need a comb.
In the fall, I was sent to Western North Carolina with the Red Cross to help with the flooding caused by one of the hurricanes that year. When I was in the hotel, I finally had to ask them for a comb because my hair was starting to grow a little bit! I hadn't needed a comb in about 8 months! I was finally getting back to normal!
One thing I forgot to mention about my full time employer. I could have been over 4 months without income because I only had about 200 hours of leave accumulated. Between my coworkers and some friends in another department, over 500 hours of leave was DONATED to me! I got my full pay the whole time I was out of work. During the last month before returning to work full time, they allowed me to work 20 hours a week (only 4 hours a day and they gave me a 30 minute break after 2 hours). I didn't tell them that I was also working at the grocery store on the weekends, but I did. It felt really good to get back into earning again!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Initial Surgery and Hospital Stay and First Days Home
I was admitted to Duke University Hospital on Wednesday September 13, 2003, knowing only that I had a large tumor in my abdomen and not know exactly how serious the situation was. My brother dropped me off in front of the hospital on his way to work. I had to negotiate the halls of the hospital on my own to find the surgery check in area. Because no one was with me, they put my personal belongings into a locker to be recovered when I was able to. My doctor came by to check on me and to let me know what to expect. I was then put under anesthesia.
When I woke up, not only did I feel very groggy, but I was very painful. I had been cut from above my belly button to my pubic bone in order for the surgeon to be able to remove all parts of the tumor as well as taking out the lymph nodes and anything else that could have possibly been affected by the cancer. They also removed all fluids from my belly. I was told that I would be in the hospital until I was able to start passing gas and eating regular food. They insisted that I needed to start getting up and walking right away. I know that would have been helpful in my recovery, but I was hardly able to stand up, let alone walk the length of the hall like they wanted me too. They also wanted me to cough and breathe into the machine to build up my lungs, but doing so was painful so I didn't do it.
Because I didn't get up walking or do the breathing exercises, I wound up getting pneumonia. I have never been a great fan of pain so whenever I was in pain, I wasn't able to do anything. After what was supposed to be a 3 day hospital stay (which wound up being 8 days), I was released to go to my brother's house. I had a room on the second floor so I had to negotiate the steps any time I needed to go to appointments. I was able to stay on the second floor if I didn't need to go anywhere, but I had to use a walker even to walk up and down the hall because I couldn't stand up straight without it. But the excitement was just beginning...
When I woke up, not only did I feel very groggy, but I was very painful. I had been cut from above my belly button to my pubic bone in order for the surgeon to be able to remove all parts of the tumor as well as taking out the lymph nodes and anything else that could have possibly been affected by the cancer. They also removed all fluids from my belly. I was told that I would be in the hospital until I was able to start passing gas and eating regular food. They insisted that I needed to start getting up and walking right away. I know that would have been helpful in my recovery, but I was hardly able to stand up, let alone walk the length of the hall like they wanted me too. They also wanted me to cough and breathe into the machine to build up my lungs, but doing so was painful so I didn't do it.
Because I didn't get up walking or do the breathing exercises, I wound up getting pneumonia. I have never been a great fan of pain so whenever I was in pain, I wasn't able to do anything. After what was supposed to be a 3 day hospital stay (which wound up being 8 days), I was released to go to my brother's house. I had a room on the second floor so I had to negotiate the steps any time I needed to go to appointments. I was able to stay on the second floor if I didn't need to go anywhere, but I had to use a walker even to walk up and down the hall because I couldn't stand up straight without it. But the excitement was just beginning...
Initial Diagnosis
It all started with having trouble buttoning my pants. This was the summer of 2003. I didn't think anything of it at first, but then I started not being able to eat very much and I was starting to look pregnant. I finally broke down and made an appointment with my doctor. She tried to tell me that I had a urinary tract infection, but that wasn't what I had gone to see her about. I went ahead and took the antibiotics and got that problem taken care of, but I told her I wanted to get the problem about my waistline taken care of. She told me if the problem didn't clear up in a week to come back.
When I went back a week later, she scheduled me for a CT scan. This took several weeks to get scheduled and the whole time it was hard for me to get into my clothes. I had to start wearing stretch pants even though they weren't part of the uniform for my job. I got a call from my doctor's office a week after the scan and was asked to come in to discuss the results. This did not sound good because she would not tell me over the phone what she found. The first thing she told me was that the radiologist could not see my ovaries, but that could have been the result of only scanning the abdomen rather than also scanning the pelvic region. They also recommended an MRI of the abdomen and pelvis. This was scheduled within days (rather than weeks).
Less than a week after the scan was completed, I received another urgent call from my doctor's office to come in to discuss the results. It turns out that I had a 18cm x 16cm x 12cm mass in my abdomen. No wonder I couldn't fit into my clothes any more! I can't picture how big that is, but I am told it is the size of a small baby! I was scheduled to see a gynecologist a week later. I was in her office at 10 am on a Wednesday morning and she scheduled me to see her former teacher from Duke University that afternoon! I was worked in at the end of his day in the clinic not too far from where I was working. I was scheduled for surgery one week later. That was September 13, 2003--the day I was diagnosed with stage 1C ovarian cancer.
When I went back a week later, she scheduled me for a CT scan. This took several weeks to get scheduled and the whole time it was hard for me to get into my clothes. I had to start wearing stretch pants even though they weren't part of the uniform for my job. I got a call from my doctor's office a week after the scan and was asked to come in to discuss the results. This did not sound good because she would not tell me over the phone what she found. The first thing she told me was that the radiologist could not see my ovaries, but that could have been the result of only scanning the abdomen rather than also scanning the pelvic region. They also recommended an MRI of the abdomen and pelvis. This was scheduled within days (rather than weeks).
Less than a week after the scan was completed, I received another urgent call from my doctor's office to come in to discuss the results. It turns out that I had a 18cm x 16cm x 12cm mass in my abdomen. No wonder I couldn't fit into my clothes any more! I can't picture how big that is, but I am told it is the size of a small baby! I was scheduled to see a gynecologist a week later. I was in her office at 10 am on a Wednesday morning and she scheduled me to see her former teacher from Duke University that afternoon! I was worked in at the end of his day in the clinic not too far from where I was working. I was scheduled for surgery one week later. That was September 13, 2003--the day I was diagnosed with stage 1C ovarian cancer.
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